A letter to an old flame

"Just as I thought everything would be alright". 

I assumed I would forever live with that phrase, but now I'm so glad I hadn't.

To the guy who made me believe in second chances, of re-living broken promises, and the oath of undying love. I am finally getting over you.

I would sometimes reminisce the memories we made, The good and the bad. I would tear up most of the time, I loved you really really bad, so how couldn't I? I still remembered how you squished my cheeks, the way you held my hand that made me feel safe, and how you stared at me with your dreamy hazelnut eyes. From you I learned to love and appreciate the small things life has to offer, you used to bring me lunch most of the time sa office remember? you even wrote sticky notes on it. You made me believe with the existence of God. I could still recall where we sat - Second column from the right, third from the last row at Quiapo church. You were looking at me while you were praying, and I asked you what you prayed for, you smiled and replied "I thanked God for answering my prayers, she was kneeling right next to me". Everything was almost perfect love, until you started with your lies. We broke up because of the sticky situation with our parents, but you came back. I rejected you remember? but you insisted and promised me to fix this. I believed you, because I trusted you, I always thought you were a man of your words.

It was a struggle to keep our relationship hidden, I almost gave up but you kept on telling me "I will fix this, soon love" I held on to that dear. There were times that I felt it would no longer work and I knew that your love was slowly fading so I would tell you  "please tell me If you're gonna look for someone else, hindi ako magagalit, kusa naman akong lalayo". Haven't heard of anything from you since you claimed that would never happen, well jolly good show! I found out that you've been toying with a number of girls. A week before you cheated on me I dreamt that you already did, I spoke to a friend and she told me that maybe I was just overthinking and that maybe I was just seeking for attention, it sufficed my hazy thoughts so I settled for such an excuse.

The day I found out you were cheating on me, was the day everything in my life came crashing down. I went at your place to try and make things okay, but I failed. Shit I wanted us so bad I kneeled in front of you and begged you to stay with me. It was the most heartbreaking part of our end, a hard decision to lower down my pride rock bottom. Funny thing is, weren't you the one who begged me to be with you for another time? but you were also the one who screwed things up; I went home feeling helpless, and pathetic.

The aftermath was not of the best, If you wanted to know, I kept distance to the people I called friends. I kept close to my new description of comfort, my own bubble where I could stop being "fake happy". I was terrified that what was left of me from the trail of wreckage you made, would again be broken by the people who I used to trust. I could no longer afford such things to happen, I could no longer risk losing myself, not this time. As of the moment, I am happy living like everyday would be my last. That's what it's supposed to be right? #YOLO is so cliche but hey who gives a damn? It's time I drop my "bakit list" and upgrade it to a bucket list I would accomplish, with or without you.

I know that someday someone would be there to give back the loyalty, the trust, and the love I have invested in you. It's such a shame boys like you would go for catfish when you've already tasted caviar, as Blair Waldorf would always say. No need to weep over spoiled milk anyway, if you think you have caused my life an eternal rapture, you're wrong about that. C'est La vie!

Photo: Green Chameleon

****

Dear avid readers, what do you think of this article? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Source: Bianca